It's just like the Real World with babies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
