when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
