Me. At least after what I've been through.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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