I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
