at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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