I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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