For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
