I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
