His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
