we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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