Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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