she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
