i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
