Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
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