I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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