Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
