man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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