Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
