Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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