saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
