You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
