remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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