Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What a dumb baby whore.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
