4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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