just tell him i said nine months
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
