Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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