you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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