And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
