I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
