i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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