Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
