your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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