Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize