12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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