I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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