i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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