I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
