no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
