Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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