i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
worst night to have a conscience
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
