I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
