be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
