i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize