was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
