His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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