Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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