Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize