I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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