well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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