and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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