Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
