i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
