i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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