yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
