I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
