I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
