No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
