I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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