My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
