I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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