i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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