When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
there is puke in my bra ... again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
