phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
