best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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