How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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