I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
