dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He has the fingertips of a God
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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